tear me into pieces,
break me apart,
if you can put me back together,
whole and better again.

somehow i came up w this. it came to me at a moment when i felt so tired bt im still pushing n i wonder to wat extent i wld go to become better, so as not to tire as easily.
~and the voices in the head said..~

harder to bear

e daily hauntings r getting harder n harder to bear. it makes 1 yearn for a fresh start, a clean state.. even when knowing clean state is just another chance to be haunted.

~and the voices in the head said..~

current state of mind

i will be so focused tat i will be sharper than any blade

i will work so hard tat turning a iron rod to iron dust seemed a easy task

i will shine so hard tat i will put the sun to shame

n i will give back infinite times e things i recv in life tat all e regrets i ever had were worth it

~and the voices in the head said..~

lonely

i dunno y bt i feel so lonely now..

more than i usually feel.

~and the voices in the head said..~

exhaustion never felt so good!!

was rushing to produce expt data for e research update presentation i hav 2 give today so i arrived lab at 850 although i slept at 4 last nite (roll ard bed since 2am bt cldnt slp, freaking insomnia zzz, not to mention tat i hav only 5hrs of slp 2 nites before). Naturally im damn tired bt i worked NON-STOP till 430pm (e other thing tat ran non-stop is my nose.. yea i noe yucks rite..), stopping only for 15mins to lunch down at the cafeteria.

frm 430pm meeting till 745pm, lots of stuff discussed n debated, got pointers for my work n then journal club presentation by another lab member tat last a staggering 1.5hrs (i think) with lots of discussion.. well e paper was interesting so i guess tats y, bt e headache since e start of e day grew into a constant hammering. after e meeting, i went for dinner w 2 labmates n we had quite a long dinner.. till 945.. went back lab n worked till 145am.. bt when i started doing, everything was clear.

e headache tat was there seemed to exist and not exist at the same time!! ive screwed up this expt a few times becos theres alot of steps n im always hurrying cos im dun like to take too long to split my cells. bt today i dare say i didnt make any mistakes, although tat doesnt mean e expt will be a success of cos.

ive long forgotten this feeling of exhaustion.. i guess im quite sadistic to like this feeling (when theres sth i need to achieve)

~and the voices in the head said..~

did u ever..

feel so emo n down (not sad actually) n just sing songs n e more dramatic they r, the more intense u feel.

oh boy, i had one too many.

~and the voices in the head said..~