wallieism at work

2011-07-18T23:27:00.003+08:00

tear me into pieces,
break me apart,
if you can put me back together,
whole and better again.

somehow i came up w this. it came to me at a moment when i felt so tired bt im still pushing n i wonder to wat extent i wld go to become better, so as not to tire as easily.
~and the voices in the head said..~

harder to bear

2011-05-21T16:47:00.001+08:00

e daily hauntings r getting harder n harder to bear. it makes 1 yearn for a fresh start, a clean state.. even when knowing clean state is just another chance to be haunted.

~and the voices in the head said..~

current state of mind

2011-03-10T23:58:00.003+08:00

i will be so focused tat i will be sharper than any blade

i will work so hard tat turning a iron rod to iron dust seemed a easy task

i will shine so hard tat i will put the sun to shame

n i will give back infinite times e things i recv in life tat all e regrets i ever had were worth it

~and the voices in the head said..~

lonely

2010-11-14T01:00:00.000+08:00

i dunno y bt i feel so lonely now..

more than i usually feel.

~and the voices in the head said..~

exhaustion never felt so good!!

2010-10-14T02:12:00.002+08:00

was rushing to produce expt data for e research update presentation i hav 2 give today so i arrived lab at 850 although i slept at 4 last nite (roll ard bed since 2am bt cldnt slp, freaking insomnia zzz, not to mention tat i hav only 5hrs of slp 2 nites before). Naturally im damn tired bt i worked NON-STOP till 430pm (e other thing tat ran non-stop is my nose.. yea i noe yucks rite..), stopping only for 15mins to lunch down at the cafeteria.

frm 430pm meeting till 745pm, lots of stuff discussed n debated, got pointers for my work n then journal club presentation by another lab member tat last a staggering 1.5hrs (i think) with lots of discussion.. well e paper was interesting so i guess tats y, bt e headache since e start of e day grew into a constant hammering. after e meeting, i went for dinner w 2 labmates n we had quite a long dinner.. till 945.. went back lab n worked till 145am.. bt when i started doing, everything was clear.

e headache tat was there seemed to exist and not exist at the same time!! ive screwed up this expt a few times becos theres alot of steps n im always hurrying cos im dun like to take too long to split my cells. bt today i dare say i didnt make any mistakes, although tat doesnt mean e expt will be a success of cos.

ive long forgotten this feeling of exhaustion.. i guess im quite sadistic to like this feeling (when theres sth i need to achieve)

~and the voices in the head said..~

did u ever..

2010-09-27T23:08:00.001+08:00

feel so emo n down (not sad actually) n just sing songs n e more dramatic they r, the more intense u feel.

oh boy, i had one too many.

~and the voices in the head said..~

2010-08-30T22:29:00.002+08:00

all i really wanna do now is go some forsaken place, scream my lungs out, cry a river a tears, drink all beer and wine and lay down n die.

~and the voices in the head said..~

once in a while

2010-08-01T23:50:00.000+08:00

a emptiness envelopes me.

~and the voices in the head said..~

do i actually have readers?

2010-07-11T01:47:00.002+08:00

i just noticed that some of my recent posts have comments, mostly chinese comments and i wonder if these are real readers or just spam?

hmm

~and the voices in the head said..~

the suckiest thing

2010-07-05T23:18:00.003+08:00

e suckiest thing in life is tat its so wonderful. so wonderful n u cant help bt wan everything yet at e same time it teaches u tat u cant have them all. u gotta choose n choosing sucks. choice defines us so much becos of the gains and losses. choice reminds us of all the things we hold dear to, all the things we can never get enuff of (time, money, any pleasurable thing).

choosing can drive you crazy.

being content is just one of the gazillion amount of choices that defies all of the above. choosing to be content is being ok, there is a power in that, and a certain sloppiness from another angle.

sometimes i'm thankful for e things i dun hav a choice in. its ironic tat being constraint can feel so liberating.

am i content that i cant choose? i dunno, hav thot enuff for a nite

~~choose~~

interesting read

2010-07-03T21:58:00.002+08:00

something nice to share w everyone who still reads my blog

http://gssq.blogspot.com/2010/06/wives-lovers-and-beautiful-soulmates.html

gotten off a fb link frm my stalker. rofl. i wonder if there is a female version of this. haven given it much thot, bt i think e basic idea of this essay does apply to gers as well.

~life's 3-in-1~

i dunno y

2010-06-26T23:38:00.000+08:00

but in e end,

i think all is fking meaningless.

~and the voices in the head said..~

here we go again

2010-06-10T00:08:00.003+08:00

down this dark twisty road, with no end in sight, and imaginary silhouettes slipping in the shadows.

o'fear, how long will you stay this time.

~and the voices in the head said..~

anticipation!

2010-05-27T21:13:00.002+08:00

after an exhausting gym session inclusive of 1/2 hr rowing (5.8km! not bad for a starter like me i think?) i called home to check wat gd food mom has in stall for me and was told its just porridge! i was super craving meat bt when i gt home i see fishball, chicken, pork dunno wat. lots of stuff n i hav 1 huge tub rite in front of me now =)

to hell with anticipation =p

~and the voices in the head said..~

life is an adventure n im missing out

2010-05-23T22:11:00.002+08:00

hasnt sorta been in e best of mood lately. fyp started off in a funny way, ask me personally n i'll tell. lots of thots r in my head nw n i think life is really an adventure n im missing out. its always either making mistakes or just thinking abt it (NATO). so much regrets in e past n e list of regrets keeps getting longer.

i just see a whole lot of grey.

~breaking radio silence~

how i met your mother

2010-04-30T22:44:00.003+08:00

you guys shld catch this comedy. its really really funny and great!!! so damn funny i laughed frm start to end! except tat 1 sec after e show end my smile turns into a frown.

nono its nt becos e show isnt tat funny.

~and the voices in the head said..~

not funny

2010-04-29T06:27:00.003+08:00

it's not funny to wake up at 6 groggy and with 2 nice dark bags hanging from my eyes and trying 2 start to study structural bio w FT n all tat integral crap.

and i alr foresaw this from happening. so what am i trying 2 say here?

even if i foresee something, n i wan 2 do it, im ready 2 pay e price, watever it is. i hav e courage to face up to it. im definitely stressed now, tat i hav 2 allow myself, bt i wun complain tat its tougher for me than other ppl, i wun whine cos i chose this. u make ur own bed, u rest in it.

~dun get into stuff tat u cant handle! tats e rule, bt there's always exceptions.~

e thing i dislike most

2010-04-06T15:09:00.001+08:00

is waiting,
for watever,
whenever,
however i hav 2 wait.

~and the voices in the head said..~

how do you..

2010-03-18T11:07:00.002+08:00

how do you catch up with 9 weeks of study when u're really in school but ur heart and mind are both somewhere else?

how do you react when some1, who apparently thinks u might hav potential, tells u in e face tt e scholarship only take 1st class and u're so highly unlikely to get 1?

how do you know if you can pass when you sit down in tutorial and thot u went to the wrong class?

As with all impossible things, we start by saying we can.

i can catch up, i may not score all As (i hav no intention to), bt i will do justice to myself and the hard work i've put in the past 2 years. watever happens, is watever tat will happen.

~the undercurrent is strong albeit the still surface..~

it's been awhile

2010-03-03T22:48:00.002+08:00

yea haven blogged for awhile... alot of things n stuff gg on in my mind. i've come to hate studying. begin to really think its not gonna benefit me. its not disinterest in e subjects.. over e past semesters there r some subjects that i dun really like, bt i still put in effort becos i feel it wld help.

bt now.. studying is like wtf alr.. sigh.

just went for convo talk today.. kinda funny sitting with ppl tat r not my batch for a convo briefing.. yet another minus frm ABP.

moving back home makes me think a lot a lot. maybe i really shld hav joined bs club again this year. maybe having no time to breathe is better than having time to think.

im thankful to naf for being there for me =)

~and the voices in the head said..~

from grey's anatomy

2010-01-26T15:56:00.004+08:00

"Really the truth is, you are a bastard, you were mean and stubborn.. just.. bastard.. but you were a bastard who knew what you wanted, and you stuck to your guns and prove that if you want something badly enough, if you're determined enough and patience enough, eventually it will happen. it will, and that gives me hope and so, thanks for that.. bye bye Charlie" - Liz

From season 4 (or 3?) where the cast gave a speech to honor the old man Charlie finally died after waking up from coma.

~and the voices in the head said..~

slow flowing thoughts

2010-01-17T14:16:00.002+08:00

i think this isnt e first time i proclaim tat i like staying in hall. im almost always alone in hall, n its so quiet and tranquil here (no drilling somehow, but some still some noise frm construction workers).

its here that my thoughts can flow slowly. i dun hav 2 rush to go somewhere, get something done..

~1 of e things i like 2 do most is thinking. =)~

depressed and disappointed

2010-01-17T13:42:00.004+08:00

i have been experiencing recently is just disappointments, from a number of ppl ard me and mostly, myself.

1 of the worst form of depression is in knowing the right thing to do and the importance of doing it, yet not doing it. mostly it stems frm truly not desiring to do it. frm e heart, in other words, one does not wan to accomplish an important thing.

i got that before, thot it will nvr get me again, bt i guess i lose heart. we all need small miracles to keep our hopes alive, i'd held out so far. miracles?

~sigh...~

2009

2009-12-30T22:27:00.003+08:00

2009 is coming to an end... have been waiting for results so that i can get a feel of how this year has become...

indeed 2009 is a year of change for me.. so much things have happened..

2nd sem of my presidency, exciting holidays, opna

and this december has been good

when im losing 2nd fren, the 1st one comes knocking.

spontaneous meetups during xmas period is great!

really wan 2 write more, but, change is tiring. im tired.

~2010?~

science

2009-12-04T00:10:00.002+08:00

each scientific field is defined by the key concepts and the setting they occur, often associated with classic experiments making milestones in the history of that field.

through the fundamental concepts, interest is generated on the several basis, but predominantly manipulation to enhance the human civilization. and interest only points to certain directions, focus on various factors are the variance of the ways to achieve the same end point of said interest.

blabbering nonsense when i have 9 more lectures to go. =)

~this semseter changed me like nothing has ever before.~

the reason.

2009-12-01T08:51:00.002+08:00

fighting it every single second. trying 2 study. y? cos i need to score. y? cos i need to get a scholarship to where i wan 2 be. even if my heart yells NO so much tat im constantly distracted, cos i truly believe this is not e way it shld be.

bt i just keep pushing..

wats e reason?

because i hope, yes i'm not sure, that all these will make me better.

~and the voices in the head said..~

asking

2009-11-29T10:46:00.003+08:00

if you dun utd something even after trying 2 read it up, i wld be glad 2 share wat i noe, if i noe sth abt it.

bt if u lazy to utd, just wan 2 noe if its impt, then its nt really fair 2 use my time like tat. esp when u had so much time 2 prep, n me, so little. its our choice how 2 use our time, had i started rite after muscle i wld hav all e time to entertain all ur qns.

but for a fren, i wld always reply, if nt fren, i cfm ignore lol.

~it is a dog eat dog world, but this is 1 thing i dun mind living my life in denial of.~

jason mraz!

2009-11-27T14:21:00.003+08:00

i cant seem to get myself to focus and study plant so i keep listening to jason mraz..

omg he is so incredible. totally support him, he's my idol liao. i think he's like e best there is out there and is so much more than just a guy and a guitar, which in his case, is already pretty darn awesome.

i wan his CDs!!!!!! bt no pt also haa

~and the voices in the head said..~

and it strikes again

2009-11-23T13:14:00.002+08:00

when u wan to scream but ur voice fails u.

EDIT: and i can feel people being selfish...

~and the voices in the head said..~

ROFLOLOL lololol

2009-11-19T21:25:00.000+08:00

Monitor说：我好惨啊，每天给人看。

Keyboard说：我更惨呢，每天给人打。

Mouse说：我才惨咧，每天给人摸。

USB机说：我最惨了，每天给人插。

Diskette机说：我更惨，现在没人插我了。

Thumb drive说：谁有我惨？这边插完就去那边插，一不小心还要被感染。

CPU电脑主机说: 不要以为我被很多东西插会很爽, 它们插进来后都不动了, 那才是难受啊！

最后Speaker器说 : 还说呢…明明是你们被插,为什么都是我在叫呢?

~and the voices in the head said..~

what i love

2009-11-16T17:58:00.002+08:00

went to bed at almost 2am last night trying 2 mug finish developmental.. bt brain was so hyperactive i din sleep till what must be almost 3am.. woke up at 640 to wash up n get dressed to go for CSI's inaugural symposium.

i joined this cos the topics was interesting, bt it was near exam and i was rather half hearted in going, but zl n derrick interested so i thot why not? subconsciously i thot i might nt utd the symposium's content at all but i was surprised tat it touches on many of the stuff i learnt this semester. e whole professional symposium experience was just inspiring for me. i think we were e few undergrads there, definitely less than 20 in a crowd of 200 profs, post-docs, researchers alike.

they have invited rather high profile speakers for this symposium n i got to see for myself first hand how pro they really are. e ability to communicate concepts n ideas consistently and fluently and most importantly across wat must be decades of research. did i mention consistently?

unfortunately cant stay thruout just too much notes left to mug, im nw finally in sch and i was tired, but once i start reading my notes, my mind is brought to focus.

oh i saw prof law at e symposium too. n.. peter wanted me to stop, bt eventually ok-ed me to continued.

what a day.. seriously. =)

~the sky really is e limit, do you dare to dream?..~

2009-11-15T13:50:00.002+08:00

New addition (in bold) to my wish list =):

-Samsung Jet "pouch" (JP Singtel sells it at $28)
-Sandisk microSD 8GB abt $30 (don't kena tok ah) for my phone
-good reads, maybe Paulo Coelho's "The Winner Stands Alone"
-keyboard cover for laptop (http://www.skinweaver.com/product.jsp?product_cat=Keypad%20Skin&item_cat=Clear
-laptop bag)
-laptop stickon cover (http://www.skinweaver.com/product_item.jsp?item_name=H9999&currency=auto&country_name=Singapore)
-bagpack (my current one that has a slot for laptop can't take much weight.. got function but no durability..zzz)

~and the voices in the head said..~

all the right moves

2009-11-15T01:39:00.002+08:00

Fantastic song from One Republic, heard it on radio bt never knew its name. Thanks to Winnie posting it on FB if nt i wun noe. =)

after listening for awhile then i finally got its meaning. i think this song is abt hw the opponent or competitors or watever, got things going for them better than ur team. bt tats e part abt u n me in there tat i dun utd haha.. probably gt this all wrong like i did with 9 crimes.

~and the voices in the head said..~

Shoes, Cards, Fate, Strength

2009-11-11T01:37:00.004+08:00

Eminem - Beautiful

Nice songgg~~ describes how I feel.

~and the voices in the head said..~

i'm too young

2009-10-25T00:11:00.007+08:00

i'm too young.

i'm too young to say "i can't do it"
i'm too young to say "it's too late"
i'm too young to say "no"
i'm too young to be unfit
i'm too young to take my health for granted
i'm too young to forget what dreams meant
i'm too young to stop believing
i'm too young to get caught in all these "adult" nonsense
.
.
i'm too young to die
nono, i'm too young NOT to live

but mostly, perhaps,
i'm too young to take youth for granted

19 days till exams come!! starting to really feel the jitters. realized i really dun remember anything substantial for cell bio.. sigh skipped n sleep thru too much lectures. 7 exams... 4 in a week.. 3 back to back....

e chance to reach my goal seems slim but i must do everything to try and reach it. just that sometimes really can't stare at notes all day. can't wait for this sem and the next to be over. I love studying, but having 2 force myself to know everything just for grades is really just not me at all. haha many ppl will say they also, but when i look ard, i dun really see ppl enjoying or appreciating wat they learn..i do.. so i think tat e contrast for me is way bigger.

also! in slightly more than a month is my bdae!! gonna be a QUARTER OF A CENTURY old. for e first time im gonna come up w a wishlist, so i'm really not expecting anything haha.. here it goes:
-Sandisk microSD 8GB abt $30 (don't kena tok ah) for my phone
-good reads, maybe Paulo Coelho's "The Winner Stands Alone"
-keyboard cover for laptop
-laptop bag
-laptop stickon cover
-bagpack (my current one that has a slot for laptop can't take much weight.. got function but no durability..zzz)

also, a big thank you to those who gave me the early birthday present! too many to list here alr. I'll organize sth for you guys =)

~they lie to you when they say there's 24 hours in a day.. because each day obviously feels shorter and shorter, except for the occasional days that seemed to take forever~

win vs lose

2009-10-22T22:22:00.002+08:00

i wld like to do wat prof k.k said, read the cell before i sleep every night. i wld like to spend time finding and reading on the stuff that interest me. this is WIN.

cramming information from 71 lectures and trying 2 score all for the sake of grades, which i fundamentally is so against, totally kills my mood most of my days. this is LOSE.

tsk tsk.. where is the room for exploration? everything seems dictated.

~and the voices in the head said..~

difficult

2009-10-21T12:51:00.000+08:00

it's difficult to stand for that which you do not believe in

~and the voices in the head said..~

selfish ppl

2009-10-17T17:52:00.002+08:00

if you noe doing sth tgt is detrimental for me, then y still ask me to do it when its only beneficial to you?

you're so selfish.

~and the voices in the head said..~

one step at a time

2009-10-17T16:46:00.002+08:00

Jordin Sparks - One Step At A Time

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus]

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's your faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

[Chorus x2]

one step now is mastering one lecture. 71 steps! but can be done. time to get cracking and reach for the stars!!!

~i'll walk before i run, and i know 1 day i'll stop running cos i'll be flying~

e true loner of e 21st century

2009-09-30T19:27:00.000+08:00

just had a realization wat a true loner in e 21st century is like.

~and the voices in the head said..~

mug like no tml

2009-09-21T10:46:00.001+08:00

im so pissed off with everything n anything tat ive DECIDED im gonna mug like no tml, mug like a ^$@$^#*%#^$^%

R-A-W-R

~and the voices in the head said..~

absent

2009-09-17T23:21:00.001+08:00

I was always there, that means I was always absent elsewhere.

When I finally could return, everything has more or less changed.

What do you do? Return to somewhere that's comfortable?

?

~and the voices in the head said..~

where do they go?

2009-09-13T00:39:00.004+08:00

1 of them is in his room in Hall 14, windows open, cool wind blowing in. Smooth, slow music playing in his earphones. His notes all over the table, seemingly describing his life. His thots messy too.

and then he had a thought that bugged him more than most of the many many many other thoughts, where do the rest of his kind go?

have you wondered where does all the lonely people go?

~gets more and more difficult by the day.~

long time no post

2009-09-11T21:27:00.007+08:00

too much has happened!

lots n lots of thoughts are going through my head.

ppl see tat im more happy cos i gt my successor.

somehow there's a nagging feeling tat im nt truly happy.

haha im really grateful to many ppl bt i think i'd said thanks a tad too much.

in this coming yr, i hope many things will change.

wat changes? i dont noe..

new favourite song!

Lyrics

Hopeless
Everybody says its just another decay of the soul
But I know I'm hopeless, thought about anything to take me
Away from this hole in the ground
I found it's hopeless clinging to a feeling
Like a fish on a line, so blinded by the lately
Hopeless, no more saying that there's no more time.

I've was trying far too hard
To be what I thought I should be
I was playing wild cards and
Seeing things that weren't in front of me
Like a little tiger, play fighting,
Until I was hurting myself, again and again

Because I'm hopeless.
Everybody says its just another decay of the soul
But I know I'm hopeless, thought about anything to take me
Away from this hole in the ground
I found it's hopeless clinging to a feeling
Like a fish on a line, so blinded by the lately
Hopeless, no more saying that there's no more time.
That there's no more time.

Well I'm just discovering I'm living in a different body
Caught a little insight into everything thats happening to me
Like a little spider, I'm climbing the insurmountable
But I'll never hold myself accountable, no.

'Cause I'm hopeless.
Everybody says I'm hopeless
But I got a bit of hopelessness
Oh and you can never bring me down
Even though I've got some silent ground
Oh because I love it so
And I think you should know

Because I'm hopeless.
Everybody says its just another decay of the soul
But I know I'm hopeless, thought about anything to take me
Away from this hole in the ground
I found it's hopeless clinging to a feeling
Like a fish on a line, so blinded by the lately
Hopeless, hopeless, hopeless
No more saying that there's no more time.

~do i regret finding out and breaking the fantasy? maybe..~

heartfelt, HotStart

2009-08-13T00:56:00.004+08:00

was asked to write a testimonial about how rewarding being a student leader is and this is what I wrote after cracking my head for an hour. Don't get me wrong, I do complain a lot and look tired most of the time, but I L-O-V-E wat I do. But most of the time, you don't really see the things that are right in front of you. As I constantly review what has happened in the past year, I could see for myself that the rewards were right there.

Testimonial:

Through my journey as a student leader, I’ve honed many skills but I realized that the real perks are the intangibles things such as: the laughter of newfound friends, the appreciative “Thank you” from freshmen & graduates alike, the acknowledgement that what we’ve done has made school a fun and better place to study in. Not to mention the great many people I’ve met and the lifelong friendships I’ve made.

As I leave this footprint, I urge you to step into my shoes, carry on this journey and see for yourself how rewarding being a student leader can be.

But I have to shorten it to reduce its clutter-ness:

Through my journey as a student leader, I’ve honed many skills but I realized the real perks are the “Thank you” from freshmen & graduates alike, acknowledgement that I’d helped make school a fun and better place to study in.

I encourage you to step up and see for yourself how rewarding being a student leader can be.

HotStart Orientation was a success! I'm thankful for ALL the help I've got from all my friends.

~and the voices in the head said..~

coming through vs pulling through

2009-08-04T23:49:00.005+08:00

wats e difference?

e difference lies in the direction, the posture, and the set of muscles used.

e effort? Dependent on the abovementioned 3 variables and of cos the weight of the baggage.

can differ, can be the same.

but the words sound totally different.

now, are they really different?

can someone please tell me you get my drift and tat im not insane??

~if you love to see people being happy, then you must hate inflicting pain on others~

1 week left

2009-08-04T01:27:00.002+08:00

Technically less than 1 week of holidays is left.

While most people are busy with catching up and having their last bit of fun before the biological mayhem (nono not virus, its the texts and notes) rears its hideous, ugly head at all of us...

I'm...

working in lab
sending emails
meeting school staff
reading proposals
drafting proposals
planning stuff
designing stuff

and trying to squeeze out some fun of the little time I'm left over with.

I love what I do, I just really wished sometimes I don't have other things to consider so much. hah.

too much to update here till I'm not bothered to! bah!

~looking forward to batam and JB trips!~

re-watch!

2009-07-18T23:23:00.002+08:00

i chanced upon my bro re-watching grey's anatomy and it got me interested and just nice he was watching my favorite episode =) i din event realize until e favorite scene starts.

well, im gonna blog abt another part of the same episode tat i do like very much as well.

Derrick: "God, why does it have to be so hard?"
Bailey: "It's not hard, it's painful. But it's not hard. Now, you know what to do already, if you didn't you wouldn't be in so much pain."

Context is not important here i think. Main gist is pain and hard are 2 different things. =)

shall blog abt ns, pre camp n other stuff some other day.

~and the voices in the head said..~

cousin's wedding

2009-07-12T23:15:00.004+08:00

heard frm my dad tat he's getting married nxt june, he's 3 yrs older than me n my only cousin on my dad's side. =)

just got to noe he has a wedding blog and he linked a blog from a photographer classmate of his.

i like her blog n photos! few, but wise words coupled with nice shots.

n 1 post frm her blog quotes yet another graduation speech.

This was a speech made by Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen at the graduation ceremony of an American university where she was awarded an Honorary PhD.

“I’m a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don’t
Ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here
this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be
hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be
thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life.
Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in
a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of
your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul.

People don’t talk about the soul very much anymore. It’s so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter’s night, or when you’re sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you’ve received your test results and they’re not so good.

Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried
never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and they to me.
Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I
would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone, and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre at my job if those other things were not true.

You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you
are. So here’s what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you’d care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast?

Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on
a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a
red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who
love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the
phone.
Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.

It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes.
It is so easy to take for granted the color of our kids’ eyes, the way the
melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.

I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the
destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today
is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the
world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby’s ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face.
Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if
you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived”.

great speech makes me smile even though in 6 hrs time i'll be up n getting in a uniform tat im only in becos i hav a Y chromosome.

~and the voices in the head said..~

sacrifices

2009-07-04T17:59:00.003+08:00

we all make them, all the time. knowingly or unknowingly, their effect manifest either immediately or over time.

becos we have to choose, its inevitable!

at the moment, all my sacrifices seemed to be in vain.

unappreciated, forgotten, abandoned.

no, i dun need sympathy nor pity, nt becos of ego, just simply becos i made e choices willingly and clear-headed.

u noe wat im saying?

~and the voices in the head said..~

crazy about KT Tunstall

2009-06-24T23:59:00.002+08:00

go see my video bar if you would like to hear her songs, dont think u'll regret.

anyways, my fave song now:

See the look on my face
From staying too long in one place
But every time I try to leave
I find I keep on stalling
Feel like a big old stone
Standing by a strength of my own
But every time the morning breaks
I know I'm closer to falling

Chorus:
I'm all out of love, all out of faith
I would give everything just for a taste
Everything's here, all out of place
Losing my memory, saving my face
Saving my face, saving my face
Saving my face.

Listening to what you say
Even though I look the toher way
You could neve rundertsnad the feeling
Of what I'm leaving

*Chorus*

Whoa, ooh...

Leave it all to me
I will do the right thing
Baby I'll be everything I need
Leave it all to me
I will do the right thing
Baby I'll be everything I need
Leave it all to me
I will do the right thing
Do the right thing

I'm all out of love, all out of faith
I would give everything just for a taste
Everything's here, all out of place
Losing my memory, I'm losing the best of me.

I'm all out of love, all out of faith
I would give everything just for a taste
Everything's here, all out of place
Losing my memory, saving my face
Saving my face...

Whoa, ooh...

~and the voices in the head said..~

went overseas

2009-06-24T23:15:00.002+08:00

yi-roe needed to get some gas so i finally got to taste some JB food. =) had 3 rounds man.. filling..

finally went "overseas" lol..

sigh, im still occassionally giddy n e swelling is becoming worse.. any1 can fly me to e denmark doc?

~a number of ppl like to argue 1 big round to prove their pts, like to "ambush" (comm. lingo) you, like to twist logic into apparent hellish schemes n still claim they're fair and just! maybe this is e backlash of intelligence?~

royally screwed

2009-06-21T23:18:00.002+08:00

giddy 4 2 days, a lil exhausted, joints in quite a bit of pain, my hemangioma is swollen..

n e worst of all?

lost my laptop today!

soooo screwed. lots of impt doc n info inside. not to mention lots of WORK put into those docs...

bt im ok, im not even angry, cos i give up on myself. i was just extremely careless, as usual.

~and the voices in the head said..~

enjoying

2009-06-16T22:18:00.002+08:00

sipping a cup of hot choc macadamia latte, listening to my fave songs, watching ppl passing by with luggages..

it's not so bad to take some time off and relax. this is a gd time for me to organize things and make good order out of the clutter in my mind =)

some quality "me" time! [=

~it's all a state of mind~

sending people off!

2009-06-14T23:25:00.002+08:00

just sent naf off at T1 where just 2 days ago my brother went to China frm T2. will be sending YEP team off coming wednesday.

yes, ppl tell me my turn will come, well, only time will tell haha.

on a side note, some things are just off-topics. teasing people is ok, but some things are just off-limits. if you noe wat i've been thru, you prolly wldnt even tease abt it.

some more, i dont even really noe u.

~dun trample my pride~

ok i got to confess something

2009-06-11T23:20:00.006+08:00

i'm in love! so hopelessly in love =) realized this today!

never really expected me to say this right??

this busy, crazy, emo guy has found the time to fall in love...

and i gotta tell you...

(highlight text to see remainder of post)
i'm in love with......................... MEETINGS!

HAHAHHAA did i get you? but seriously, i realized this today. i had a 2 meetings tat spanned 3 hrs in the morning and at nite i had another long meeting.

i realized wat i love abt meetings is tat ppl discuss how best to do something. the interaction, the thinking, the challenges, the deconflicting is all so very interesting to me. group dynamics, personality, thought process, EQ, positioning arguments, angles all comes to play.

u get to noe how ppl think and learn frm them. so far it has always been a learning experience, but tat is not to say i find tat they are immediately fun and enjoyable or meaningful. i have had terrible meetings where objectives were not met, agenda missed out, interactions pretty much one-way-ed.

but then when i look back, i become intrigued in how i cld hav changed my input to change the outcome. =)

~Life knocks on my door, I open and Life said: "Trick or treat?", to which i replied "Trick, always. Show me what you got." Life opens the bag and reaches in...~

where i would like to be right now

2009-06-05T00:07:00.001+08:00

the bottom of the bottle.

~senseless screaming resumes~

a lonnng lonnng time

2009-05-26T20:58:00.003+08:00

it's been a long while since I have posted.

so many thoughts and mental notes swim in my head and it's always the case when I blog after a long hiatus.

I can't find the energy to write everything down so I'll be brief in what I want to say.

When results were out, I was shocked, fortunately in a good way. I have really come to expect something very bad this semester, knowing that despite the efforts I put in, I believe it wasn't really up to the standard I set for myself, not for the goal I wish to reach anyways.

Throughout this semester, and the one before, I'd constantly reminded myself that I need to thank ISIS clique who were very understanding and helped me alot on school work. Without their help, I'll probably find it even harder to catch up. Really looking forward to the next semester to spend more time with you guys =) I have other thanks for other people, but now is not the time :)

Many, many things have happened, my mind is constantly reviewing them, those things I observed, things that I felt. It's hard to find words for them, but someday I'll try when I have them sorted out.

DnD is over too, successfully executed I might add. It's really great to see all the seniors having so much fun, I must say that Class 2009 is unique in its own way. I'm really looking forward to the next DnD too, when many of my friends graduate. YEP and FOC are coming next, and I'm confident (on the things we can control) both will turn out fine.

So what about me now? Where's my next destination? There's so much I wanna do, just don't have the time and money to do it so I'll settle for the simpler stuffs. Time to make this holidays worth every bit of my time.

On another note, went to the orthodontist (I think the spelling is correct) to put on brackets on the 2 teeth at the back (some of you will know what I'm talking about) and he put on the "power-links", or so I heard him called them. They certainly didn't give me any "power", but i assure you they give me a lot of...

P-A-I-N

So don't ask me out to eat nice tough beef/meat ok? Don't tell me if you're going somewhere nice either, I'll envy. O_o

~i still miss the days where the triplets were happy. what happened?~

reflection

2009-05-01T14:11:00.002+08:00

since exam ended on 29th, have been moving stuff furiously back home and repacking my room. to a large extent, the task is not completed.

attended joan's 21st yday, the sbs gang was taking cam-whoring like mad hahaha. happy 21st joan! thank you for your great work in DnD, can't wait for that day to come so I can congratulate u again =)

this semester is simply bad. not that everything that has happened is bad, but regarding myself. for this sem's pprs, everytime i walk out of the exam hall, i feel like shit, not confident of my answers at all.

there are many things waiting for me to do now, many more that i want to do and certainly those i need to do for myself.

but before that, a very hard reflection on what has led me here, now.

~and the voices in the head said..~

flight and fight

2009-04-24T13:01:00.003+08:00

i'm running away from the thing that's chasing me..

sometimes it catches up to me. i get dragged down.. and savage, relentless beatings follow..

i fight back, but i'm weaker, so i try to escape, try to run.

try to run away from this senseless, deep emptiness.

so far, i always managed to get away, but everytime it closes in, i ask:

will i escape again this time?

~the tears won't come out no more..~

lamest nomenclature

2009-04-08T20:27:00.001+08:00

Just something to laugh at (not really funny kind of funny, but "why so non-sense" kind of funny..

Go look at the "frequencies" table LOL.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radio_frequency

Fancy a biology student complaining about lame nomenclature when we're surrounded by CD81, p53, NF-kB, Ikk, Ras, MASP, etc etc lolll...

~and the voices in the head said..~

a little reward to my readers..

2009-04-05T18:47:00.005+08:00

well, this post is to reward your good behaviour! (what you ask? of course is checking my blog, all of you except for CHAN LI YING! *&!$%@$%@#^@#$%@ lol)

today, sunday the 5th of april 2009.

i woke up at 545am and din sleep cos zhaoliang said he'll be coming over and we met for breakfast at 8am

he stayed at my hall and we did our lab report (separately) till 4+.

i went to JP with him cos i need to buy printer ink, but b4 tat i washed my clothes.

spread all my washed clothings all over every space tat i can hang b4 i went JP.

went JP, grabbed the printer ink. bought a bag of kopi cos i thot i shld not nap and shld study 206

enter my room, walked to my desk and dropped my plastic bag (with printer ink) inside and also my bag of kopi on my bag..

wait.. WHAT THE HELL! O_O

then frantically trying to dry bag with tissue, after which i thot it was "dry" enough, turned my attention to the floor

after 10 mins, realize floor is ok, then went back to bag's contents. at first the damage seemed to be quite bad and then i open my bag and..

all my certificates and stuff are inside!!! O_O
(brought them to hall last week to "inspire" myself into writing my resume for HW and blantantly forget to put it back at my house although i hav them in my bag..)

and the casualties are.....

~5x sec sch certs (CCAs, leaving cert, etc)...
2x nyaa...
2x poly cca stuff

now my room smells of coffee a little, my wet clothes are all over the place (not to mention there r alot of dry ones), i dun hav my spectacles with me (which i do think is part of e reason y i dropped tat kopi).

well, hope this stupidity will make you all laugh, LOL.

~yes yes, i know this defines the word CHUI (or CUI)~

disappearing

2009-04-01T12:03:00.002+08:00

have been disappearing and will keep disappearing from this blog for the nxt month. not that i dun have things to write, but i can't find the will and strength to write it.

since nt much readers, i think im nt disappointing any1 also haha!

Good Luck for exams everyone!

~and the voices in the head said..~

short note

2009-03-25T02:10:00.001+08:00

yes, your feelings are your own, but don't be selfish because of them!

~fav song: falling slowly!~

those msn contacts..

2009-03-12T22:28:00.003+08:00

you know how it is when your msn contact list just expands and many of these people are people you never talk to? they're not even people you used to talk to, they are people that you just add, maybe because of projects or whatever.

well there's this person i did a project for a elective with, if there's 1 thing good about having her on my contact list is I get to see inspiring quotes on her msn nick.

here's the one that inspired me to blog this down:

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if want to test a man's character, give him power.

I don't know who this came from though.

~and the voices in the head said..~

what the F?

2009-03-09T22:50:00.002+08:00

well halfway through 206 lecture today i realize something..

F stands for Force
F stands for Faraday constant
F stands for Focal point/length/distance/plane
F stands for Friction
F stands for FRET
F stands for Fluorescence
F stands for Frequency
F stands for Fourier Transform (FT)

So when you get confused studying 206, you gotta ask yourself, what the F are you talking about?

~and the voices in the head said..~

moved!

2009-03-01T13:45:00.001+08:00

moved most of my stuff to 68, later at night will get sh n derrick to help me with the rest. i think for the first few days i wun be used to it, being alone.

being alone in hall during weekends and hols make sense, cos they went home. being alone in hall during sch days will surely make me feel sian sometimes aha. but i need to isolate myself to study!!

kk gotta go back n hit viro notes. die u blardy virus =D

~and the voices in the head said..~

Recess!

2009-02-22T14:17:00.003+08:00

Like wat hendra's msn nick said, recess week is no recess at all.

like many, i have 3 test and 1 presentation (which is 30 or 40% of a module that is exam-less) coming up.

so i'm gonna spend my recess week camped in sch, will also be attending meetings with council n my comms. =)

hoping i can squeeze some K sessions out. a beach outing wld be nice too.

EDIT: hengpei give me this link on youtube on Connie talbot. She's cute and amazing.

~and the voices in the head said..~

Adele - Chasing Pavements

2009-02-22T14:01:00.006+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qz7vGW2_5c0

here's the lyrics to this fantastic song.

Adele - Chasing Pavements

I've made up my mind
Don't need to think it over
If I'm wrong I am right
Don't need to look no further
This ain't lust
I know this is love

But if I tell the world I'll never say enough 'cause it was not said to you
And that’s exactly what I need to do if I end up with you

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place should I leave it there
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere

I build myself up and fly around in circles
Waiting as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it

Or should I give up
Or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place should I leave it there
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
Yeah

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place should I leave it there
Should I give up or should I just keep on chasing pavements
Should I just keep on chasing pavements
Oh
Oh

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place should I leave it there
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere

Adele's a real talent, her voice is great and she really knows how to sing. She's won 2 Grammy (Best New Artist and Best Female Pop Vocal Performance, the latter for this song!) this year and she's only going 21 (born 1988).

This song is referring to an incident that occurred after Adele was thrown out of a pub for punching the former boyfriend in the face after she discovered him cheating on her. As she was running down the street she thought to herself "What you're doing is you're chasing an empty pavement." According to Adele "When I got home I sang it into my phone, went home and got three chords together." (from wiki)

Singers like her makes soul and blues my faves.

EDIT: video embedding found!

~and the voices in the head said..~

!!!!!

2009-02-16T23:29:00.002+08:00

emo to the max now lol.

"courage to accept, strength to change, wisdom to know the difference"

this above saying i kop frm my brother. courage to accept? i don't have. strength to change? i lack.

wisdom to know the difference? i have no wisdom to speak of at all.

~and the voices in the head said..~

stay in my memory

2009-02-07T14:29:00.004+08:00

resolve for studying isn't that strong, so i ended up spending time blog surfing. found this animation on xinhui's blog. wonder how

Stay In My Memory :
I found another point of view
just a dead end avenue
im growing close back to you
just want i dont wanna do
just what i dont wanna do
is to fall infront of you

and you can break and you can mend
for all the wrongs that you defend
you learn the hard way in the end

so stay in my memory
you can hide out there
dont take all my thoughts today
so i can start to begin again
so stay in my memory
you can hide out there
dont take all my thoughts today
so i cant start to begin again

so i dont wanna be left with all this
I plan to be there right by your side
oh it seems like this could be
just a dream with you and me

dont wanna be left with all this
I plan to be there
I plan to be there right by your side

so stay in my memory
you can hide out there
dont take all my thoughts today
so i can start to begin again
so stay in my memory
you can hide out there
dont take all my thoughts today
so i cant start to begin again

and you and i we had the stars
and you and i we had the stars
that you left over and over again
and you and i we had the stars
and you and i we had the stars

i dont wanna be left with all this
I plan to be there right by your side

so stay in my memory
you can hide out there
dont take all my thoughts today
so i can start to begin again
so stay in my memory
you can hide out there
dont take all my thoughts today
so i cant start to begin again

I'll always be straightforward, because silly games and mind tricks are really redundant. Well, maybe once in a while =)

~and the voices in the head said..~

ISIS Reunion Dinner

2009-02-04T23:03:00.002+08:00

just had ISIS reunion dinner with few VIPs, Karen, Xiaoyun, Denis and Yan Yan. All of them no longer in NTU proper (Denis is doing FYP externally). Unfortunately, Sophia and Yan Yin and Shanbin cannot turn up, well there's always another time!

As usual, we have loads of fun with alot alot of jokes throughout the meet up. Talked alot about Karen's life at beijing, mostly because everyone is interested to know how things are over there. Hope the rest of the VIPs don't feel left out! It's always good to get together once in awhile.

Hey simin! We promised not to organise ISIS outings again hor, i totally forget about that promise rofl. But breaking a promise for something this fun and meaningful i guess is not bad at all, if not all good =)

Been really really busy nowadays, as i decided to pack exercise and lab and doing tutorial (yes it has not been in my schedule for 3 semesters already) into my schedule. With club events picking up at full speed, i know this semester will speedily be over.

Lots of new relevation and thoughts.. So now i believe it's time to get serious, again! I will try to keep this blog alive haha..

~and the voices in the head said..~

CNY~

2009-01-30T23:39:00.003+08:00

CNY has been simple as usual, im so surprised at how much my cousins has grown and how quickly my uncles and aunts have aged. When you see them once a year, it becomes very obvious suddenly.

Here's wishing all a very happy CNY. Let's all get lucky in the year of the Ox. ISIS outing on 2nd or 3rd of Feb! Hope everyone can make it, so far the response has been good. =]

Have been TRYING to do work for awhile now. But nothing gets done, perhaps I'm too distracted now.

I better wake my idea soon~~

~and the voices in the head said..~

it feels like...

2009-01-18T16:54:00.002+08:00

time is non-existent now..

~not here, not here at all..~

Happy birthday NAFISAH!

2009-01-11T12:34:00.003+08:00

Yup this post is more or less dedicated to her (well my post almost never stay entirely true to what my title suggest). Yday went to her super duper duper last minute party at her house. She sent out the sms in the morning.

Asked the comm ppl, but all not free, but i still wanted to go. Asked holly and she can make it. then we decided to buy her a twilight poster. LOL and i chose the 1 she liked better =] which invoke some screams from her when she recv the present rofl....

initially i thot tat when i go i will only noe holly cos i thot naf will hav lots of hall frens ard rofl. in the end, it's the other way round. seems like her super last min notification din get a lot of ppl, and the osiris girl gang is there along with her sec sch fren. tat's like 6 n 2. lol so end up i noe most of the ppl there.

we had pizza and BnJ ice cream, courtesy of naf of course. it's a slacker's party haha, everywhere can see the words "last min slacker's" bla bla lol. even loo also gt a tag. then it was chatting n more chatting before we cut the cake. well they sabo me to cut the cake (dunno the girls ah.. dunno how to cut cake), but the cake is niceee (frm Secret Recipe). Then naf's roomie, lala, sabo her to play piano. she played 1 piece, and lala sabo again, ask her to sing and play. and this time naf sang 1 of the twilight songs! i think she sang well leh.. holly got a video of it, upload on fb soon leh, pls find ur cable lol.

then we went home late. i end up getting stranded at JE with no MRT or bus. haha bo bian took cab home, only $13 w/ midnight charge. but it's still wasteful..

and now.... time to put my plans as the top of my priority. more of 'me' and less of 'we'.

~and the voices in the head said..~

shawshank redemption and clean fan

2009-01-03T17:50:00.006+08:00

zl recommended me to watch this movie. indeed it is a great movie! it's a movie about hope, the hope a man has despite being wrongfully accused and despite being in a impossible situation.

i highly recommend you readers to catch it at least once =] to my amazement Stephen King wrote it lol. this movie is an adaptation of the book "Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption" i didnt read the book but im sure it will be great. referring from wiki, it seems tat the movie's differences frm the bk is carefully and wisely crafted, which makes me like it even more, as it is a successful bk adaptation movie.

on a side note....

this is how u clean a fan without ladder! LOL i shldnt clean it now cos i hav very bad rashes after badminton yday.. i usually hav little rashes when i sweat a lot, sometimes the rashes get quite serious. it's been awhile since my rashes was so bad.

and the end product is this! (the 'before' is not shown cos its god damn blardy shitty dirty HAHA.. bt we all nt free to clean la..)

quite satisfied that i managed to find a way to reach the bloody fan (cos im nt tall enuff -.-)

~and the voices in the head said..~

2009

2009-01-01T01:28:00.002+08:00

was out with derrick, zl and ly today. had dim sum buffet in the afternoon in chinatown and then a long walk to marina sq and then we sat outside asian civilization museum until 2009 reached. Saw the 8minutes, bt nevertheless, fantastic fireworks before we left. the golden streaks attracted me e most.

actually i never like to go for countdown, but then again, like clubbing, the company matters the most. throughout the day, i reflected on 2008 and i guess it's near to impossible to sum it up in a word or a direction. so much has happened!

may 2009 be better~

~and the voices in the head said..~

Xmas

2008-12-27T23:51:00.002+08:00

Met up with my poly frens, which includes daoxian and weili haha.. It's been really very long since I see wilfred. I knew he will most probably be doing well, but didn't expect him to be so successful sia. Really very happy for him =D We tried to have bbq at xiaoting's condo but the rain got heavier and heavier, eventually we decided to go jingfen's house to cook the rest of the food away and play games there. Funny thing is when we're finally going to go then did the rain stop. -_-"

So over at jf's house we watched the Little Nonya, then started different games, mahjong and stuff. I was playing pictionary, some words are just impossible to draw lor lol. Haha then we went to the kitchen and started cooking everything, i got myself burnt by the oil =X, now got boils already.

We played the night away and in the morning we parted, i went back to hall and slept like no tomorrow lol. When i wake up i knew i was gonna fall sick. Sore throat starting from last saturday seems to be getting worse, now being drenched in rain and all the fried/bbq food, it's def worse. And now i have a bad flu, lol.......

Stayed home today, and tomorrow rather than to go lab. I guess i should stick to normal working schedule. Sigh, if my flu and sore throat doesn't go away, then monday's K session i prolly wun go. Argh if dun go tat 1 means din hit my 5 K session by this hols. Well it's true tat im pretty broke. hahaa..

1 more day till exam results are out and then school is gonna start again. somehow both of these are not on my mind, all the club matters are! kinda exciting when it's challenging =]

~and the voices in the head said..~

2008-12-23T00:12:00.003+08:00

unlike you, when i said i let the matter rest, i will not mention it again. UNLIKE you. so to hell with what you think. apologies for the strong language. don't make me say how i really feel, cause i'm pretty sure you don't want to hear it.

on a much much brighter note, I'm proud of our ISG team, 3 3rd so far and a 2nd. and K session with ISIS is good also.. tat's my 4th K session since exams ended.

nafisah is back! haha.. got used to her not being around.. no i dun mean it in a "intimate" way, but in a "working" sense.

just came back from meeting peiyan, yixiong and winnie.. ahhh haven seen winnie in years. n yes, she is STILL freaking abusive. i think i got 4-6 blue blacks from her. peiyan turning more aggresive also! hah we basically meet up to EAT.. omg.. scary. after eating dinner at shokudo pasta, py still hungry. i wasn't satisfied also, so we went carl's junior......

but we only ate the fries. HAHA! still it was filling lor. then chit chatted and catch up with each other. haha some discussion on serious topic also.. wahh seh..

~and the voices in the head said..~

Xmas

2008-12-20T17:40:00.003+08:00

Xmas is coming.. going to meet my poly and Hi club clique. now just got back to hall from K-ing with jiawen.

something redundant happened! i recv a redundant mail, so i gave a redundant reply. =] saw some obvious redundant post somewhere also. anyway, i shall not mention this anymore. the matter shld be laid to rest. oh, i wld never ask my frens to go talk to somebody abt something they wldnt really noe. please be mature and just keep quiet.

haha die, i 4get wat i wan to blog. bahh! ten dollar K fully booked on monday =( i think we shld just catch a movie. shall sms them haa

normal people usually have problems tat surround them, unless you're very blessed. don't give up or despair~ saying this in view to the problems i hear frm frens recently.

Anyways, i'm quite proud of our ISG team this year, hope there will be more achievements! Nxt yr i shall be in all e ISG games =)

end of hols soon! =(

~and the voices in the head said..~

look @ time/screenshot, bdae thnks, PDA phone!

2008-12-16T04:23:00.004+08:00

look at all those documents man!!

Been wanting to say thanks to...

mom: for a $20 new SGD note, i like to keep old notes or nice looking ones =]
jolyn: for your mos burger treat! more importantly the K session =]
holly: your BnJ treat! enjoy ur HK trip
yiroe: for your Egyptian magnet

More belated bdae gifts are welcomed......... ESP a PDA PHONE! wanting one now for all its functions and stuff grrr.. more outings and hectic work schedules ahead!! gotta roughen it out.

~life is beautiful..becos this world is imperfect~

conclusion on my birthday

2008-12-14T00:09:00.004+08:00

I'm blogging something private here because i want to tell my close friends something that i would not like to repeat over and over again because it hurts. My blog readers are mainly people close to me also.. Names are not included.

I know some of my close friends are concerned about what's going on between me and her and it has since become a forbidden topic because i don't talk about it. I apologize for seeming so distant.

For some time now, i guess both of us wanted to make a firm stand. Basically, i could not feel any effort or appreciation from her and that is because she still has not gotten over the past. Maybe she did appreciate and make efforts, but it wasn't enough or obvious to me. Thus, we both feel that maybe the timing is just bad.

We have left too much unsaid to each other, the words we exchange that night came all too late.

And i realized (too late) that this "One-Person" (whom ALL MY FRIENDS know WHO HE IS) has subtly interfered. Previously this person has said to me that he will not interfere anymore, yet has put on a emo alias which so obviously identifies him and kept wishing us well. Please know that you have done enough harm and your persistent "presence" (i told you i don't want to see your tags on my blog before) is making things harder for both of us to move forward.

You know that we know it's you, so why do it? I can't honestly believe that you have good intentions at all. You know that the best thing for you to do is to disappear from our lives, yet you purposely, intently chose to show yourself here and there. I DO NOT want to see you tagging my blog ever again, nor do i want to hear from you. Please respect my wishes. If you want to contact her, i hope you do remember you can never bring more help than harm. Keep that in mind.

Yea, some of you might think it's just a few tags and whatnot.. Trust me, it's not that simple, i will not divulge much on this even if i'm asked.

All said, i still wish her well and i will miss our insider jokes, songs and fun moments (and many other stuff!). I will let go and I hope she can do the same soon, for her own sake. Some people are not worth your time and thoughts for, you should live your life to the best you can. I'm happy that we're both moving on.

When all is said and done, there's only three words i think that everyone could use.

Life goes on.

Maybe it's not mean to be, but hey, this is life, it doesn't always work the way you want it to. What matters is you try and remember the good part of it.

~thanks for the memories~

101th post

2008-12-08T21:47:00.002+08:00

OOoo the previous post was the 100th. Started this blog since last oct so that's about 7 posts per month?

Although i have lots of stuff on my hand, they are not stuff that i can just start and get over with.. I hate writing formal stuff, a bit is alright, but super formal stuff (like CONSTITUTION) is gonna be a b****. LOL just a metaphor, i still love wat i do, tat's y i do it =D

I do wan to meet up with people, so far this hols has been relaxing cos i only have to juggle club stuff which means i slack the rest of my time. Lab is gonna start again and im gonna need the time to finish wat i wanted to do..

-lab
-club
-room spring cleaning

when i say club it's not CLUBBING.. its my cca stuff.. haha.. oh ya, i wanted to blog to say.. "oh this friday is my birthday" cos it just struck me.. Since August, time has passed without me really knowing when is monday, tuesday or wat date is it. I only know "it's 4 days till meeting, 3 days till deadline, 1 week till bla bla..."

Time has stopped since some time ago.. life has gotta move on, things has gotta change. the question is when, where and how..

Haha since this post is so random, i shall include my outing with my gang.. Me, zhaoliang, cher and songhui met up for a movie (BOLT) and Rhino is just so crazy.. haha i wanna be crazy too man. We then had dinner at The Pasta Shop and desserts at NYDC, lol quite a bit.

Can't wait for this coming Xmas also, bbq gathering and present exchange with poly friends.

Here's RHINO!

like holly said, cute round fluffy ball lol and the more 1 looks at it the cuter it gets LOL *yes inside joke*

~I miss inside jokes.~

Lower......

2008-12-05T14:11:00.002+08:00

Yday had to go braces appt.. then the orthodontist stunned me by telling me im putting on the lower braces rite away. sigh.. so after my mouth was gagged open for 15 or so mins, my lower braces finally got on. Bt i was meeting li neng and jiawen, my "bro" and "sis".. the last time we met was 1.5 yrs ago...

So while waiting for jiawen to be off frm work in tuas, me n my bro did...
-running ard town cos it was raining
-checked out cine for a bit, the movies as well, had pizza noodles at e basement jap shop, it's not bad!
-i bought a adidas shoe at Citylink Mall Adidas shop haa
-had gloria jeans coffee (their mint choc stuff taste a bit like meds... bt its only 3 bucks for any ice blended, wkdays only i think)
-shopped ard marina square bt cldnt find e shoe i wanna buy, or rather at a cheaper price than $129.00 haha.
-played pool and arcade
-watched Qurantine.. >.>
-had seoul garden, i was basically swallowing all e food, cos my teeth starts to hurt from all the pulling.

Things happen to people all the time, be it they share it with u or not. So lots of stuff were being shared, and life's reality is always harsh. Dun think too much my frens. =]

Ahhh.. so busy. sigh.

~life is beautiful..becos this world is imperfect~

the power of calendar

2008-11-30T20:46:00.003+08:00

Shit i cant find my calendar and it has a panicking effect cos i cant hold all the dates and appts in my head, I NEED E CALENDAR! OMG did i leave it in lab? argh.

bt now this is wat i rem, monday 2 meetings, tuesday 1 LONG meeting, wednesday 1 meeting, thurs 1 meeting and 1 nite outing. LOL.. not to mention meetings ALWAYS hav a tendency to breed MORE meetings.

Cheers!

PS: oh ya the alumni event was a success! they launched their alumni association and filled up a cinema theater full of alumni people for the movie Body of Lies. First movie i'd watched since exams are over, not bad, quite nice!

link: http://www.ntusbsalumni.com

~life is beautiful..becos this world is imperfect~

holidays~

2008-11-29T16:43:00.003+08:00

yup it's finally over, kinda couldn't believe it when it's over. and the sense of relief i normally have and anticipation for holidays didn't really come to me. Something's still looming over..

regardless, i went for KTV with roe, june, jingwen and meiling.. wah kao.. really crazy lor they all. haha i went crazy as well.. first time sing 7 hrs of K with only 5 ppl, initally 4 lor since meiling came late. All of them can sing sia haha zai! they say they lack a bass, well nxt time jio me again! bt i suck at duet songs HAHAHAHHA cos i dun listen to them enuff to rem the lyrics =X

Ok now's abt time for me to shower and get changed for alumni's inaugural event =D

~life is beautiful..becos this world is imperfect~

Mee sua love

2008-11-12T16:57:00.002+08:00

Yday was dad's bday, i went home near midnight (cinderella again, what's new!) and said happy bdae to my old man and chopped his leg lol.. family joke..

Then my mother cook mee sua for me haha miss mee sua leh somehow. Lots of cravings now, like mee rebus, shit.. cant rem wat else >.<

hmm theres more i wan to say here, cant rem! lolz.. eyes feel irritated nowadays, dunno wats wrong, its making hard for productive mugging to happen.

can't wait for hols.

~life is beautiful..becos this world is imperfect~

time to get serious!

2008-10-30T22:15:00.002+08:00

Hmmm been playing too much of word challenge these days lol. and watch too much anime (kekkaishi). even went to play pool yesterday!!! pool was great fun though =D

Yday tried this western stall called Astons at ang mo kio. its a branch, dunno where the main outlet
(inside joke) is hahahahaa..

my days now will be filled with some napping and some swimming and some light exercise (chin ups and sit ups), occasional runs and lots of studying!

good luck everyone.

~double center.. double last... push thru... pull back... lol!!~

where's my tagboard!?

2008-10-26T21:03:00.002+08:00

it's actually all the way down below. LOL no idea how it became like tat, 1 fine day it just did.

life's like tat sometimes rite? things just happen seemingly of no reason. but there's always a reason, just tat if we wan to spend the time to find that out. question is always if its necessary, does it make a difference?

haha im just too bored being alone in hall for almost 2 days. tml is the 3rd day.

~life is beautiful..becos this world is imperfect~

health

2008-10-21T18:28:00.002+08:00

sigh finished the meds the doc gave me, if anything it's getting worse. feels like a flu now than a sore throat. and i feel v itchy @ my throat, grr..

had been drinking enuff and eating properly leh. din really miss out a lot on sleep also. today got headache, along w ulcers its rather hard to concentrate or even fall asleep. lol i better get well soon

i think i shall visit the doctor this weekend... now no time..

~life is beautiful..becos this world is imperfect~

parfocal

2008-10-19T02:48:00.002+08:00

haha parfocal is 1 of the answers i didnt get for 201 quiz. but i need to be parfocal now, to be in focus when magnification or focal length change lol..

it's quite late now and i just have this urge to blog down a passing thought in my head tonight

"Regret is only good for strengthening your resolve, otherwise it is just a waste of time"

Went to LSCT alumni nite, realized actually got some SBS snrs are frm NP which i dun rem seeing back in poly days lol. Can't help but ponder in the years to come, how will SBS alumni gathering be? (i'm sure we'll have it along the years)

~life is beautiful..becos this world is imperfect~

and i finally...

2008-10-11T19:31:00.003+08:00

swam. after wanting to for sooo long. Today is a fantastic day (yes i like the word) because i had a goood long sleep. Like many others who were rushing lab reports, i didn't really have much sleep the night before. Main comm and lots of stuff has kept me from blogging here hahaa, but now i think the focus is finally back to studies.

Back to today, it's a fantastic day simply because i totally gave myself the right to relax (not waste ah~) today away. woke up lazily at 11, took my time to get to braces appointment, reading Today Weekend. after that got back to tiong bahru plaza for lunch. Proceeded back to hall, stopped by JP's NTUC for some cup noodle shopping (like about 6, cause need to give songhui and derrick back as they treated me some before haa), got 100 packets xiang pian too. =D

Back at hall, i unpacked my clothes and stuff and brought my swimming gears to the pool. When i walked there i was quite surprised to see so many people in the SRC pool. =\ I expected there will be people but there's just too many of them! Still, jumping into the pool was a good feeling. Just the same as we focus on any one thing, the rest of the world just fades away, i like that blank slate feeling.

Now i'm in the lab after my swim, finally catching up on my research. Quite alot has happened these days but i'm lazy to write it all down.

Another good thing about today: no sms! =] sometimes we need a day all to ourselves, and that is today!

PS: though some blog-reading has made me quite sad lor.. lol

~life is beautiful..becos this world is imperfect~

despair!

2008-10-02T16:54:00.001+08:00

totallllly cannot study at all. nothing goes in.

~life is beautiful..becos this world is imperfect~

the ways out

2008-09-23T00:22:00.002+08:00

the slack way out: do things only when deadline are approaching

the easy way out: hire a PA and practically task all reminders (& work) to this person

the right way out: properly plan your time, utilize every minute (don't even blog), sleep less but work more. rest only enough and eat just to nourish the body

the realistic way out: try your darnest best to achieve the right way out, without thinking too much of the easy way out or dreaming your slack way out.

Breathe, sleep, eat... BS Club

Think....

~life is beautiful..becos this world is imperfect~

moved in to 14

2008-09-17T22:54:00.002+08:00

moved into hall last week. think its not tat productive actually. im losing focus, im not being efficient enough.

it's easier said than done even if you know where your attention should be spent at. =\

recently there's a dispute regarding work. it was apparent there was some miscommunication between the 2 parties. however 1 party tried to contact the other, but the other never return the initiative. due to certain conflicts, the passive party instead talk to friends whom she trust, listening to their biased opinion.. the resulting misunderstanding was aggravated, irrational impulsive actions were taken and damage was done. i was of course infuriated, then i realize i grew tired haha. but it got resolved nicely in the end.

Lesson learned here is.. : Communicate more with the party involved, you can seek 1000 opinions, but is it really relevant? Keeping how you feel to yourself and only talking about it to your friends may not be very fair to the other party.

I can think of a certain somebody who could use this advice....

PS: Hey guys, it's not that i'm not patient.. have you heard my side of the story yet? i think you guys might have a clearer picture than me of the other side of the story.

~life is beautiful..becos this world is imperfect~

if i say that..

2008-09-13T00:33:00.003+08:00

i want to take up part time job on top of presidency, research, studies..

i took a withdrawal form from SSC and filled it up..

i think home is the best place to be, but the wrong place to be at this very moment..

i think life is now more of a blur and time seems to have not stopped..

i think we're always tempted to do the wrong things with a tinge of irony..

i recieved hundreds and sent hundreds of sms per week but there's always one missing..

which one will you believe?

~life is beautiful..becos this world is imperfect~

We went for safe and got lost along the wayy~~

2008-09-07T21:51:00.003+08:00

Quoted off meihua's msn nick some time ago. Yea, a lot of times we have too much at risk that we opt for the safe way. Life's really too unpredictable and we're too logical.

May 28, Wednesday. Can we bring it back? Maybe it was never lost in the first place.

white sesame... ji bai nian.... 55, 99, 67, 97, 12, 12... topshop&zara....

Joke:

Two guys are sitting in a bar.
The first guy asks, "What do you do for a living?"
The second guy says, "I'm a lawyer."
The first says, "How much do you charge?"
The second guy says, "$100 for four questions."
The first guy says, "Isn't that a little expensive?"
The second guy says, "Yes. What's your fourth question?"

~thanks frm bottom of my heart to winnie and yixiong. grateful for being there~

how i feel

2008-09-05T23:47:00.004+08:00

走到了这里，你说应该，我应该庆幸还是绝望？从起步到现在，哩数算不算远呢？路上有了一些不如意，但使终走到了这里。谁又知道人生的终哩数又有多少？

当交通灯变黄时，我感受到油门和煞车器一起被踩。。看来司机不知如何是好，而这样的行为也让我不知如所错。我一点也不好受啊。。于是我发出了巨响希望司机能做出决定。但现在我已不再发出巨响了，因为主控权不在于我掌握之中。

在我的世界里，我们的角色对调。你能想像那会是怎么样？

~all my besties are not with me now when i need them most~

12:42am and in a lab...

2008-09-04T00:42:00.002+08:00

just finished main comm meeting, now doing some stuff in lab b4 i go to slp at cuister #1 and derrick's hall. NR lecture today shocked many ppl.. 203 got things to catch up lo~

on monday 9pm drama on chan 8 ended, i remember 1 character said to another: "even though we cannot be friends there's no need for us to be enemies"

i mention this not because it's related to me, but i feel for sure that it will be useful for some people. it's not friends OR enemies, even after some things have happened and its weird to be friends yet no need to think of or avoid that person like enemies do.

i dun wan meetings to be on wednesday for a reasonnnnn.................... =(

~life is beautiful..becos this world is imperfect~

word meanings

2008-08-31T19:43:00.003+08:00

been busy with club these days so hardly blog.. let me try and recount

friday was interesting~~

Main Entry:
con·sci·en·tious
Pronunciation:
\ˌkän(t)-shē-ˈen(t)-shəs\
Function:
adjective
Date:
1576
1 : governed by or conforming to the dictates of conscience : scrupulous 2 : meticulous, careful
synonyms see upright
— con·sci·en·tious·ly adverb
— con·sci·en·tious·ness noun

Main Entry:
stat·u·to·ry
Pronunciation:
\ˈsta-chə-ˌtȯr-ē\
Function:
adjective
Date:
1766
1 : of or relating to statutes 2 : enacted, created, or regulated by statute
— stat·u·to·ri·ly \ˌsta-chə-ˈtȯr-ə-lē\ adverb

2 words u can find in a oath tat i witness albeit some serious unseriousness & uncontrollable giggling.. =P some things r just more than words can describe

saturday was main comm retreat and meeting, was quite tired after it but still caught wall.e haha its a cute and sweet show..

~life is beautiful..becos this world is imperfect~